Monday, October 22, 2012

I Met Her In The Kitchen There By The Time Clock OR So Long Paintsville Shoney's!

It had been exactly 7 years since the day we first met, since the first day I had looked into her eyes. Now, here we were plus 2 children and it was time again to celebrate "mommy and daddy's special day." Yes, we have always included the whole gang.

We went to Wendy's. I placed the order and the first thing they did was to put our fries on the tray on the counter. Several minutes went by as I waited there for our sammidges and other stuff. Finally she brought them up to the counter. I picked up a fry and bit it. I said, "excuse me but can we get fresh fries? These have been sitting here so long they're actually cold." No problem, they replaced the fries.

The "Spot" these days is covered by a Wendy's
I took everything to the table and we started setting it all out. She took a bite of her chicken sandwich and it was a bit raw in the middle. I took it back to the counter and asked for a manager. He asked me if I wanted a new chicken sandwich or a different one. I told him that I would like to have the entire meal replaced. By the time they got the sandwich made all our food would sitting on the table and all that. Then she would be eating her chicken sandwich after everything else had gotten cold or we would all eat and then be waiting for her to and so on.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

The Little Red Hen Modern and Updated

The Little Red Hen - Modern Version

Once upon a time, on a farm in Texas, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.

She called all of her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?"
"Not I," said the cow.
"Not I," said the duck.
"Not I," said the pig.
"Not I," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. And so she did; The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.
"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," said the duck.

Monday, January 2, 2012

You Pay For This But They Give You That (Those Darn Crooks and Liars!)

"You pay for this but they give you that..." ~ Neil Young

Here is the delicious looking snack I saw and which caused me to decide to order. Mmmm mmmm! Look how good that looks!

When they brought my plate of chicken and fixins out and set it on the counter I was a little stunned. In that plate were the tiniest peices of chicken I had seen since I was a kid and we had baney roosters running around in the yard!

I asked the lady to please exchange that chicken for some bigger peices. I pointed up at the menu and remarked about how big and juicy the chicken in the pictures was.

She mumbled something, took the plate and went back top the chicken cabinet. What she brought back out to me was a bit bigger but not much. What I got was definitely not even close to the mouth watering picture.

AND look at the size of that ole biscuit!

So what do y'all think? Should a restaurant be able to do this to us? Why should they be allowed to "sell you this but give you that'?? It should be illegal and fines should be slapped on McDonals, FKC and any other crap business who practices this.

Make it stop! write your congressman, call your friends, shout it from the roof tops and post it on Facebook! We've had enough of the lies! I want that juicy chicken dinner that I see in that picture!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

A Hillbilly in New York City

I was working in Brooklyn and met up with this guy who was from Staten Island. I am serious, this guy said he had never been out of New York City. I saw him and some of his crew in passing as I was working. We exchanged a few words here and there and so naturally they took to calling me hillbilly.

As I was walking by where they were taking lunch one day this guy said, "Hey Hillbilly! Is it true that you's guy eat opossum down in Kentucky?"

I slowed down but I didn't stop and told him seriously and calmly that yes, of course we ate possum. I looked at him sort of weird as if to say "Doesn't everybody?"

I told him that the stereotype of folks in Kentucky wasn't exactly true. Most of us don't eat possum every day. We can't afford to! Its only the more wealthy hillbillies who can eat possum every day.

I told him there were a lot more people down there now than there use to be. There just wasn't enough possums and squirrels to feed everybody so we also ate pigs and cows and Little Debbie cakes and Moon Pies and stuff like that.

I said all of this with a very exaggerated hillbilly accent. I was playing it up but they thought I was being serious.

This guy and everyone there with him were stone silent and listened to the whole thing. As soon as I stopped talking I turned and continued on my way. They were laughing hysterically behind me. I was thinking to myself, here this guy and his buddies are laughing at the hillbilly, the old backwards funny talking hillbilly. I am here to tell you that I have never in my life heard anyone with as messed up of an accent as that old dude who had never been out of New York City.

It just goes to show you that it's all relative really. And every now and then, while sitting at his favorite bar or cafe, this old dude tells the story about the time he met up with a real live hillbilly and yes, those hillbillies do eat possum.

David Slone