A Hillbilly in New York City

I was working in Brooklyn and met up with this guy who was from Staten Island. I am serious, this guy said he had never been out of New York City. I saw him and some of his crew in passing as I was working. We exchanged a few words here and there and so naturally they took to calling me hillbilly.

As I was walking by where they were taking lunch one day this guy said, "Hey Hillbilly! Is it true that you's guy eat opossum down in Kentucky?"


I slowed down but I didn't stop and told him seriously and calmly that yes, of course we ate possum. I looked at him sort of weird as if to say "Doesn't everybody?"


I told him that the stereotype of folks in Kentucky wasn't exactly true. Most of us don't eat possum every day. We can't afford to! Its only the more wealthy hillbillies who can eat possum every day.


I told him there were a lot more people down there now than there use to be. There just wasn't enough possums and squirrels to feed everybody so we also ate pigs and cows and Little Debbie cakes and Moon Pies and stuff like that.

I said all of this with a very exaggerated hillbilly accent. I was playing it up but they thought I was being serious.

This guy and everyone there with him were stone silent and listened to the whole thing. As soon as I stopped talking I turned and continued on my way. They were laughing hysterically behind me. I was thinking to myself, here this guy and his buddies are laughing at the hillbilly, the old backwards funny talking hillbilly. I am here to tell you that I have never in my life heard anyone with as messed up of an accent as that old dude who had never been out of New York City.

It just goes to show you that it's all relative really. And every now and then, while sitting at his favorite bar or cafe, this old dude tells the story about the time he met up with a real live hillbilly and yes, those hillbillies do eat possum.

David Slone